Oh, sometimes i’m certain that my diffidence is ruining me.

(I should mention that i do not capitalize ‘i’, unless it begins the sentence. It just goes to show how little ego i have…)

Here is the scoop: I am one of those completely overlooked gems of human beings, because i am not fond of yelling for the spotlight, or grabbing the megaphones, microphones, or telephones. I am not shy, i just do not speak as much as i should. Now, i am about to ruin all of that.

I moved to the area about four months ago, and still i have no one to hang out with. A little decent human companionship goes a long way towards not being depressed. Oh, the woe!

So i am finally caving, and writing an ad of my own onto craigslist, where people are apt to talk themselves up until they seem as beacons of light, pedestals of honesty and justice, saviours of our doomedd planetss. Rubbish, i say!

I am not here to convince all female readers that they should have sex with me. I am too world-weary to walk the path of righteousness with most of the opposite sex, anyway. I have found that I can get along with most people, but i only truly think my time is invaluable if there is a certain, much smaller sect of the population around.

I am writing here to propose a date. There will be no making out on the date. There will be no sex on the date, or immediately after the date. There is enough godawful pressure, when it comes to dates. For The Date, there will be only coffee, conversation, awkward silences, and perhaps a muffin. And if we like each other, we could go for a walk. Some people would rather call it a “stroll”. Whatever. It’ll be your date, too.

The Date will be with a girl who is very intelligent. This is the most important thing. The girl should also be very funny, witty, and have a weird sense of humour. This is the second most important thing, immediately after being smart. If you did not remember what the first most important thing was, you probably don’t meet the criteria. Or else you are a little scatterbrained, which i sort of like.

Thirdly, the girl should be cute, because i am shallow like everyone else. The girl does not have to be hott, because i am not hott. In fact, i would prefer no hott girls, because usually hott girls do not meet the first two criteriums. No offense, i’m sure none taken because hott girls do not like me either.. I like just plain old cute, i like slender, and i like yummy smooth skin, but now i am getting carried away.

Here is the paragraph about location. Very unfortunate circumstances have resulted in me being located in Burlington. Don’t let this rule you out! I would love to spend more time in Toronto. After four months with a lack of adventures, i NEED to spend more time in Toronto. The laws of probability say that you will likely be in Toronto. And i have a car which i am licensed to drive. It all works out.

I think it is sort of inane to blather on about what one “expects” out of a relationship. Everyone would be very bored if they got exactly what they expected. I am not exactly expecting a long-term relationship, but if the chemistry is there, then i am definitely going to want to pursue it. I am not expecting a short-term relationship, but if it is fun for awhile and then it sputters out, it was all still hopefully nice memories. And stuff. I would also be open to just meeting some new friends, with plenty of no-touching and personal space clauses.

Hell, if you are a dude and you are reading this for some reason and you are an ultra-cool outsider-type, you can drop me a line too. I am so open-minded and awesome!

The photograph. People are so hung up on the looks, i know, me included. But i figure i will get more responses from people i am in tune with if i go ahead and post my photos here and now. I don’t know anyone around here anyway, right? So as you can tell, i prefer to be bespectacled, though i have been known to install contact lenses and become walking sex. Pfft. Plus i often forget to cut my hair for months, and it becomes moppy and dishevelled, which i actually sort of like. Also, i am slender and my aptitude for picking out my own clothing and having it suit my “look” is actually improving. I am even buying clothes which fit me, now!

I should probably talk more about me. How could there ever be enough? Obviously, i am wordy in the text form. I am much less wordy and have somewhat less vocabularic skills in vocal conversation, however i make up for it by being charming and humorous. I am 29 years old, i am single (duh), i have a very good job for a very good company, which my socialist side of the brain detests, but i do it anyway because it is good money. And i exercise even though it is vain. And i love to travel as often as i possibly can, to have adventures or visit old and missed friends. I play a guitar (badly) and sometimes sing along, if i am sure that i am out of earshot, even though i sang in a band once and my friends said i had a good voice. I like to write text into many places, because it makes me feel as if i will be fondly remembered for being clever and original, even if i am just fooling myself. I do not write nearly enough. And i like my parents and my brothers and their wives and their babies and their pets, and i like to visit them when i can, even if it requires moving a lot of their furniture around. And i like my cat, who is named Linus, and who was stolen by my parents because he is ultra cool. And i like to ramble. And when i am not doing much of anything else, i am reading a book or watching a movie, or most of all listening to music.

I think you can tell a lot about someone by giving them a list of music and movies and books that you like. It truly gives you a somewhat accurate sketch of a psyche. Here is a partial list of mine:

Books- Everything Is Illuminated, The Catcher In the Rye, Fight Club, About A Boy.

Movies- The Motorcycle Diaries, Memento, Amelie, The Lord of the Rings, American Beauty, Taladega Nights, Strange Brew.

Musics- Low, Radiohead, Neil Young, Red House Painters, U2, Nirvana, Bob Dylan, The Beatles, Neutral Milk Hotel, Do Make Say Think, The Smiths. And more.

Okay, that is probably enough for now. Maybe in a few weeks i will write a scathing diatribe on the vacancy of enlightened human beings on the modern planet, but you could prove me wrong and begin by sending a message my way.

But please if you write, please include a photo or two, and PLEASE write more than a couple sentences. Even if it is a list of likes, or text copied out of the news, please do not settle for three sentences.

Alright, I have no proses left. Good night, craigslist toronto! (more…)